So there I was, watching Claire slaving over a hot stove, when Beth waltzed in on-tippee-toes and enquired what was for tea.
"Sausage casserole"
"Oh min, 'tut', I didn't want that......."
"Oh really?" was my response, scooping Beth up with my left and grabbing a pencil and paper with my right. I dropped her in her bedroom, followed by the stationary and told her to write down exactly what she would be prepared to eat when she came over. I then left the room, returning a mintee later to find the above..............How cute.
It turned out that she eat it all, as did her tiny sister (you know, the one with the bowl hair cut?)
Tough love. We all need a bit of thon.
Anyway, imagine my surprise when I got the following (unrelated) text from Claire today.
"I can't be arsed going in to work today. It's raining again! You see the recycling box. It's only for things which can be recycled. Plastic tubs can't be recycled, plastic bottles can. CUSTARD CREAM WRAPPERS CAN'T. I love you"
Now this is an interesting FMS (Fiance Management Strategy), which is multi faceted and links in with Claires OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Doo Dah) and an over-arching desire to be green.
See, she lulls me into thinking everything is okay by making small talk, referred to as the TWO W's (Weather and Work). Then she funnels me down towards the ISSUE. It's called a funnel because you know where you're going, but yet you can't escape, faster and faster, being channelled towards the truth..............................down, down, down and down until your lower than a snakes seed bag.
But it's one of these fight or flight thingees..........you're so low that you confront you're worst fears, square up to your demons and admit your crimes.
Face it, this is your raison d'etre (and no, I don't care if that is out of context coz I'm low okay?), the reason you were put on this planet,
NOT ONLY DID YOU EAT A DOUBLE PACKET OF CUSTARD CREAMS IN RECORD TIME, YOU DIDN'T PUT THE WRAPPER IN THE CORRECT BIN YOU BASTARD.
Then she builds you up with a wee, "But I still love you!"
Thank god I hadn't committed a real crime, like flushed the chain after a wee, or dared to open the Shortie biscuits, or one after the other without washing my hands. Then I would've been looking at a five stretch.
God Bless tough love.
Congratulations Sam and Claire by the way.
Nick, Claire, Beth & Ellen
