merry christmas!

hey everyone! its jess, just writing to say i hope you all have a brilliant Christmas and a great new years! are you all prepared? i am! you all getting excited? have you got snow?
jess x

Apologies

Hello everyone

sorry for not blogging sooner but we've been kinda busy ken?

Still lots to do in the house but it looks great. Kids are fine, Claire is fine and I am fine.

Yes, I have been down to get a LandRover, however managed to get one in Newcastle for half the price of the one I was looking at In Grantham.

I got the last installment of my root canal treatment this morning, which has been very sore throughout. To cap it all, the dentist has snapped off 2mm of the thin file they clean out the canals with, in my canal!! He has filled over it, and never told me until it was all done. It was nice of him to leave me that gift, but he really shouldn't have.

Now every time I bite down, I can hear Radio 1 inside my left eye socket and my testicles become tight and vibrate at around 560 MHz. So, all in all it's been a good day.

ten ten till I see you again, good Buddies.

nick, have you been down to england for your 4x4 yet??? son

Peter's one of us...

This was a picture I took at Peter's swearing in ceremony. It was a good day, atleast we had a good laugh!!!

L=P

hello everyone! i know this is really late but i realized that i hadn't thanked any of you for coming to mine and Johnny's wedding. so i shall say it now; thats ever so much that you all came. it meant alot to me and Johnny that you came. and thanks so much for the money / gifts that you gave us. laura and peter, we love the clock, did you 2 make it?? its brilliant! and it was really good to meet june. she seems really nice. ollie and amy (johnny's brother and his girlfriend) said that same and nick made them feel really welcome because they were the only people from johnny's family to turn up. they think your both great! anyways, once again thanks so much for coming!
jess xxx

heyho all. its jess. mums just got some of the cameras from the wedding developed...there are some good un's. got 3 picked out to show you.

Cross-Dressing Offer

Why don't I dress up as Debbie Bliss and lie in a camp bed during your knitting event? I could sign folks' jotters and knitting bags and if they ask me, I'd just say I caught MRSA from a dirty knitting needle and have to wear a bag on my head to hide the hole in my face eaten away by the flesh-eating bug...
Let me know if you want me to do that and I'll come down.

Sam (or should that be Debbie...)

Yeah, Debbie...

No, wait... Sam

Yeah, Sam

Stickle bricks...

Hey Sam good to hear that training is in the offing, that will make you more appealing...unlike the Double Decker situation. I have gone back to Scottish Slimmers because of Double Deckers. They are going to teach me how to eat them more sensibly!! Slower and with more chewing I think!
As far as the a..e scan is that something I could help you with? Remember my training on Sonya's veruca and your Stickle brick's. I sometimes think no-one remembers that I got VERY positive feedback from Dr. Andrews on my fine workmanship, anyway give it some thought, it could make the whole episode much less embarrassing (ho ho ho).
Speaking of Ho Ho Ho,, Mum is coming up to us for Chrissy and we would love for you to come as weeeel, to celebrate with a meal etc...Obviously you may get a better offer (I dont consider sitting on your own with a Fray Bentos pie a better offer tho'!) so I would understand!!
Good work on the Rambo front, we just shut the curtains and call the police and get them to register our phone call then switch the TV up. Sadly here its about 25 12 year olds terrorising the place.
Anyhoo, hop everyone else is well. We have organised a massive knitting event for tomorrow (Sunday 21st) with Debbie Bliss (knitting goddess) coming and over 50 people attending but...we got a call on Thursday that she is too ill to travel and would we like to cancel the event...well I almost died with anxiety but we are going ahead with the event and will just have to wing it. Everyone who signed up is still up for coming, anything for a day out...
Anyway, email soon
L+P

A**e Scan comment

Just re-read my previous post, and in hindsight realise my comment about an a**e scan seems flippant. Didn't mean that at all. I'll be going to the doc to ask for one, myself.

Sim

Web Designing Street Fighter

Aye aye

Spoke to Cludgie yesterday and she reminded me that I had been telling everyone I was applying for jobs and had interviews, but hadn't updated anyone on what had happened... so I'm filling in the gaps now!

I went for an interview for training so I can move into online publishing at the BBC (and out of radio). The training is what I need to help me when I apply for jobs working on BBC websites. Anyhoo, I was accepted to join the training programme and hopefully I'll start that over the coming weeks - maybe before Xmas. And that's it. Not a job, but the first step to help me move into New Media.

Other news: I almost had a scrap in the street the other night cos some louts were making a racket in my closey. I tore down the stairs like John Rambo (except without the bandana)... (or the muscles)... (or the Palseyed bottom lip)... (STOP! you get the joke) and managed to get three to step into the street purely by eyeballing them, the fourth only went flying through the doorway on the end of my trainer, but come the fifth I realised the error of my ways and called the cops to deal with him. (Honestly, 12-year-old boys can be a handful)
But, I actually had a bigger argument with the guy on the end of the 999 line! He lectured me about people tying up emergency lines with minor and irrelevant queries, then I started barking at him that I didn't have a spider in the bath, but actually had a reason to call. When the cops finally called me back it was about 0200, and most veins on my neck were popped through frustration. I tried lecturing him about customer service and that I could have been kicked to death in the street. He cleverly said yes, sir. Point taken. Good night and hung up!

And that's the highlight of the paast month.
I've not had a drink in 3 weeks now, have taken to eating sweets (Double Deckers, mainly) to give me something to look forward to, and have nudged over 15stones in weight. I gotta lose some pounds.

Glad to hear mum had her a**e scan and hope Moya's is on the mend.

Na noo, na noo
Simmy sammy little manny

piccys.....

We excitedly went to Boots to pick up our 2 rolls of film and I could hardly wait to open up the packets to look at them. Imagine my disappointment when I realised that everyone was short and fat in the piccy's!! Peter has discovered that I over stretched the film by continuously rolling it on trying to get 36 snaps from a 24 roll, causing distortion...owch...Anyhoo he has fixed the good ones as there were also quite a lot with my thumb in them...eeek....

Before I go, peter got the confirmation of his citizenship yesterday, all very exciting. We go to Dunfermline on 31st October so he can get sworn in...

Wheel Chair Derby...

Hey there, Peter and I are a little depressed now that the wedding is over, nothing to look forward to...or is there...We do like the idea of a wheel chair derby, perhaps at the next family wedding!!
I am still giggling at the sight of Ben trying to get Mum's pants off the line with his teeth (that being the completion of the wheel chair assault course) very funny when he realised who's pants they were..pure comedy gold...
Anyhoo, we just put out photo's in to be processed so we'll see how they compare to the real photographer's which are great. Has everyone had a look, I think you can order them off his websight.
L+P

Tee hee

Hey Nick... Son just asked you for an invite... Na na na na naaaaaa!
Er...
Sam

Hi from the Bourne Woods

Hello to you all,

just a quick post to say Hi and thanks for last week. We all had such a good time, and it was great to see everyone.
Back to normal now, back to work tomorrow unfortunately. Nothing much happening which is good. We went to Cambridge for a night, not too keen. prefer York, plus we got a parking ticket, so all in all an expensive weekend. Not as expensive as the wedding of the landladys daughter 3 years ago - at £22,000!!! We just looked at each other in amazement. Well, I must go, have to iron my uniform and polish my crocs.
Love to you all from Sonya xxx

PS what and when is the next get together - still have`nt got the invite Nick!!!

Hi from the Bourne Woods

Overheard in the Arse

Afternoon!

Let me share my favourite website at the moment with y'all.
It's called Overheard in the Office. Think Nick's exclamation: 'Stuff it up my arse', and you get the idea.

www.overheardintheoffice.com/

Check it out
Sam

My Last 4 Pics from the Wedding

Laura selects an 11-piece Giant breccy. Stopped at 0600 at road cafe in England for breakfast and filled our tums. While Nick had a sore belly from the night before, the rest of us helped ourselves to a full English! Yummm....

And here's the mother of the bride posing after a quicky haircut by Jonny at his flat in Morton. Closely followed by Ollie and Jonny outside the flat shortly before leaving for the church.

And finally, three angels found hanging around the hotel before the wedding. Bless 'em!

Sam

Screwball Scramble Alert

Don't know how it happened, but when I was taking my jotter out of the satchel which I had taken to Bourne I tried to fold it over itself but found there was a mystery obstacle preventing me. Low and behold... Screwball Scramble's missing ball bearing!!

Somehow it had managed to get out of the box, into the lobby at the foot of the stairs and into my satchel, and then snuggle up into the binding spring!

I'll pop it into the post for ya!!
Sam

Screwball Scramble Alert

hey everyone - its jess. just a note to say ive got the website where you can order prints of mine and johnnys wedding. its www.imagicam.co.uk you have to put in the album name to see the photos ( its TrippWoods ) and then the password to access the photos. the pasword is 2209 . gordon says you can order photos off this site so there you go. tata jess xx

Wheelchair-capades

The Poor Wee Lad!

Peter pulled a muscle dancing at Jess's wedding reception and found himself unable to walk the 1/4 mile to the supermarket on a crisp-and-juice-run the following morning.

While Laura set off on the shopping journey Peter returned to Sonya and Les' house determined to find a way to join his wife. The wheelchair!

See the happy couple in the aisles and at the checkout as they sample life in years to come.















Boy - it was a sharp learning curve. Sam

Oooh - I Could Crush a Grape!!!

Just a quick line to say how excited I am that it's Jess and Johnny's wedding this weekend!

It'll be laughing non-stop on the way down as Peter, Laura, Nick, Claire and me race down the road on Thursday night to arrive in Bourne on Friday morning. Then there's the kilt-cartwheel competition that I'm organising. We'll see who's got the longest penis in the family... actually we won't cos I'm not wearing a kilt. You'll have to trust me that I takwe first place in that one.

Then there's the stuff on Friday afternoon - perhaps there's some useful things that we can help ou with Son... er, decorating things, er.... ummm, doing more cartwheels etc. Then Friday night when everyone meets at the Woods' for a bumper nosh up, burping and/or farting, some showing off, a wee bit swearing etc... and that's just Mum.

Then there's the hysterical laughing on Saturday morning, what with folk running around trying to remember what they're supposed to be doing, staying out of stressed parents' way, hiding in the airing cupboard eating sanitary towels (hey, it's dark in there).

Then the solemnity of the wedding ceremony: Mum wondering whether she brought the correct reading and not the lesbian manifesto she had been reading the night before; Peter trying to prise his nuts from his thighs under his sweaty kilt; Laura trying to prise Peter's nuts from his thighs under his sweaty... (you know how it goes); Claire T trying to decide whether the minister has a boyfriend or a girlfriend; Nick looking up phrases in the church Bible, like 'Moses fingered the Chaldaeans'; Claire S hoping no-one spots her false arms (while she secretly knits a hemp posing pouch for Nick under her jumper); me trying to sing in a key lower than a soprano... okay stop there. It's not funny.

Anyroad - if you read this before Saturday, JessNJohnny... good luck and looking forward to seeing you on Friday and Saturday.

Sam

Arse biscuits......

Sorry about the last post (said with head bowed and hand on heart....) but I pressed the wrong button.
There will be teacakes, snowballs, taxis, in fact anything but bloody penguins, I hate them.
Yeh Sam, if Laura cant fix your tooth, I have an electric dremmel type drill, perfect for diy tooth fixing. Just drink some alcohol, let your head loll to one side with your mouth open a la mum, and I`m sure we could sort it out, nae sweat big man.
I thought I would follow some of the links on the blog, and clicked onto the grassroots/BBC radio Scotland website, since when was dad working there? No wonder you are looking for other jobs Sam, what job is he doing? Green screening?
Nothing much new here, just last minute jobs, and a lot of excitement/excrement - what ever.
Will blog again, watch this space
Love Sonya xxx

Biscuits......

hiya

Sonya, Peter and I just need to know what sort of biscuits will be in said tin....as we dont want to get too excited if its only rich tea or custurd creams!!!
Sam, no worries I will have all my stickle bricks out, although it sounds like it will require a number 2 (heehee) to sort that out!!
See you soon
L+P

Nonsense

This is my first post for ages. I think I kind of forgot about it!
But things are okay here in Aberdeen. Joe Parts was up to see me a couple of weeks ago and we got pretty plastered over a couple of nights. He's well.
I did some work experience in web publishing for BBC Scotland in Glasgow last week... all part of my bid to move out of radio and into what we call New Media.
I'm not wearing a kilt to Jess's wedding. I've been down on them for the past few years (you never know who's sweaty bottom was last pressed against the inside of the one you hire despite it being dry-cleaned!), so I'll be wearing a suit instead. However, I will NOT be laughing at anyone else who chooses to wear one. And yes, I WILL be wearing underpants under my suit - unlike a troo Scotsman.
Son, can we bring anything to your house for the Friday meal or wedding day? I seem to recall necking the bulk of a bottle of Baily's last time I was at yours. I'll have that in my luggage, anyway, but anything else you can think of? We could stop off at Melton Mowbray and pick two dozen Ginsters pasties...!
But I'm off to my scratcher now. Knocked off work early today. I've been getting headaches and neuralgia and slight nausea... I think it might have to do with the new crown the dentist glued in my mouth the other day. It feels like she put in a stickle brick instead of a ceramic molar. I'll get Laura to check when I see her next.
Snore
Sam

getting excited....

Hi everyone, how are you all doing? We are all fine, just getting more and more excited with each passing hour - how poetic. Plans are coming along nicely, all we need now is a good day, not too hot, but with plenty of sun. We shall be cooking a meal for everyone on the friday evening, and it is open house all day - biscuit tin shall be suitably filled Nick and Sam. All that will be required is you lot, and plenty of laughs. Well must go, some bugger please post something on here, I am fed up of looking several times a day, must get a life?

Lots of love and excited thoughts

Sonya and the Bourne woods xxxxx

Day dreaming

The day before my 2nd daughters birthday(let me count up now!!)whoops can i really be er..that age? sorry but yes you are.oh well.

By the way I was hoping to see Nick & Sam on this trip, over the week end but no luck, Sam on training WEBSITE, Nick on WEEKEND NIGHTS. not the same unless i see all my bairns around the same time. Roll on the wedding and DONT FORGET that i will be hovering annoyingly,lurking as alway at family events to get my lot for yet another famly photograph to put in my scrapbook, so 'S' 'L' 'C' 'S' and 'N'. Gird yer loins, get the glad rags on and keep watch for me Lots of Love Mum X X X X X

Jess's hen weekend

Hi all, hope everyone is fine?!

just popping some pics on of Jess's hen weekend he he. We went out on the Fri night had t-shirts made and wore tiaras the usual cheap tack he he. we went to nottingham on saturday to a spa day and had a meal, had fun and think jess enjoyed herself so thats the main thing!

anyway take care looking forward to seein u all at the wedding.

lots of love di xxxxxx

right gran am sorry its taken me so long to post the photos you wanted but i forgot am really sorry!! so here they are...also put on one of seth on his own so you can see his face.

see you all soon

love jess

xx

hello all

hello how are you all?? its not that long till i get married...all coming? yes yes? nick, its your birthday soon...in a few days right?

Helllooooooooooo.........

Is anybody there?....hellloooooooo....
I'm checking this 4 times a day and nothing.......
We are excited about Jess n Johnny's (spelling?) wedding, have booked into the Angel hotel, so has Claire!!
L+P

new home (for a wee while anyway)

i have been in my new room/house for almost a month, i am still sorting papers, books, material, poetry, prose, cartoons/jokes. archive material fir Glasgow and 'things' for my bairns from childhhod !!!"@#;?>/<$%£^7* enough, enough!!
as you might gather my room is a bit of a mess(to put it mildly) and sometimes when i go to bed i can hear a mumbling and grumbling under the bed, as if i havent got enough problems without these little buggers causing mayhem amongst the few calm items tucked into a box under the bed. These are CERTAIN books which only a mature woman like myself can look into when there is no-one around to sneak over my shoulder. a pair of real silk knickers, not worn for many years (too small now) a photograph of me hanging aboot in the company of Labi Siffri a few years back, a few er...unmentionable photographs for my eyes only..hoever, what i meant to say was that this is a good house to be in tho' small but it means i can hang around there till the right place comes into sight. i'm going for new doctor, dentist and spec' person so expect a new ma' when next you see me. enuff I will finish now as i am tired, not that you cant tell, catch u later Mar, Mum with love x

heya

hey. how are you all? been up to anything interesting? seths had his hair cut again and i think he now looks like bumby. so im posting some pics to see if you all agree. who needs a place to stay in september? my house is going to be free so anyone who needs it is welcome to stay there. just gives a bell if you do or write back on here. anyways heres the photos.

tata

jess xxx

Mmmmmm........

Well Laura, I must disagree with you on the toast front. The thought of a piece of "plain" bread being toasted on a homemade toasting fork, over a fire made up of burning sanitary towels etc, and smothered with fine fares best and cheapest marge, then mums home made raspberry jam (made from rasps we had snuck out in the twilight to pinch from the field at the back of mabel and bills, unseen because they were bathing mark in the kitchen sink) - you cant beat that memory, hard as you might want to. Of course i am forgetting the fact that we HAD to toast it over the fire because we has run out of 50p`s for the blasted leccy meter, and what 50p`s we did have, had to be saved for the next morning and the ritual drying of dads pants in the bloody grill. Ah i feel a song coming on - memories from the corner of my mind......... How is every one? We are all good, no flooding thank goodness, just rain, rain and more rain. People think that cos we are scots, we should be used to it, but no, we seem to be fast becoming southern softies. All is coming on for the wedding. Where is everyone staying? That is the next thing i need to know. Oh, and does anyone know any hymns? Please say yes, otherwise we shall look like dicks on the day.!!! Well must go, has Peter got any opinion on the toast front? Lots of love to you all, the bourne woods xxxxx

dry boke

Just looking at a picture of that bread has made me have the dry bokes...It was always burnt on top...yuck...
Where was the virtual tour of Unthank??
Laura

University Pals

For those of you with nothing better to do... and who may remember my chums (yes I have some) from Southampton... take a look at our University Reunion Blog at the following link: http://twentyyearsago.wordpress.com/

It's 20 years ago since we all first went to the most important university in the land. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! Anyway, there are some amusing pics in there. Check it out. Don't mind the language though!

Sam

Super Toast and the Lost Underpants Graveyard

Bought one of those loaves the other day - we used to have them when we were nippers and they give the best toast. You've gotta babysit them in the toaster, and maybe do like me and turn them upside down so both ends get toasted, but when you get the marge on them... Hooooooooweeeeeee! Now that's what I call toast.



And I was putting my washing out to dry (in the living room, of course) and noticed how tattie these underpants of mine had gotten (they were washed so no tatties in them). The waist band has totally disintegrated and so I decided to consign them to the Graveyard of Lost Underpants. I think Johnny Weissmuller made a film about that: this old bloke with a mustache who'd heard tales of a place where all the raggedy old underpants go when they are discarded... thinking there might be some cash in it he went to Africa and hired Abbey Vettese to act as guide through Queens Park... etc We all know the story: Abbey was strangled by the knicker elastic of Bella Cheese's high waisters. (Sorry, why am I writing this nonsense?)

Hope you're all well.
(When you can be bothered - Laura, Claire, Nick, Sonya......... Mum - get a line or two up on this fri**in blog!)
Sam

coming en-masse (I dont think thats rude!!)

Hey Jess, Sorry to have taken so long to RSVP. I did send you a card on Wednesday or Thursday from us all!!!
We are coming down in a mini bus or people carrrier...
Peter, Laura, Sam, Claire, Claire, June, Nick, Claire, Rosy, Nell, Tess, Beth and Fudgie. I think that's it....
We are all looking forward to your wedding and seeing all of you (cuddling Seth) and celebrating. Are all the guys wearing kilts?
Love Laura
ps We loved the invitations, very you (black!!)

OI

im sorry if you think i am being rude, but i need to give my final numbers to the restaraunt which is catering for the wedding. SO GET YOR ASSES INTO GEAR AND GIVE ME YOUR RESPONCES pretty please..

sonya, laura, sam and nick's favourite sister - virgin blogger

Fuck's sake!

I was writing a new post and I lost it! Shit! I'm bored now and I'm not writing it again!

Here's the short version - I've been pissing about all week not doing my assignment due in on 22 April.

I took Rosy and her friend to the airport on Wednesday as they were flying to London. We passed Alec Salmond and a camera crew just as I was loudly effing and jeffing but not c*** - ing about parking charges - windows right down. I almost smelt his breath and it wasn't fresh (that's ALL I'm prepared to say).

The kids come back tonight as they've been away with Pete in a wigwam for a couple of days. He tends to take them on holidays and I'm putting the finishing touches to a LONG, LONG list of chores and duties. Well! I'm allowed!

Anyhoo, it's Friday and I've basically still done bugger all except given in to my less academic tendencies - cleaning, shopping, painting the living room, eating and checking my emails. I'll get on on Monday. Enjoy the weekend!

Claire

PS I hope you like the picture of my three bonny lasses taken at Jenny and Linda's CP in London. Rosy was quite prepared to wear her favourite black and white dress stained with a tomato sauce at the neckline and, interestingly, around the hem (perhaps thats what she used to wipe her chops!) She was persuaded (ordered) otherwise!

hello

goodo, is claire coming with you?! yes seth is a good little artist, hes made a good job of mum and dads walls haha.

Wedding Invitations

Hey Jess

Look at that beautiful boy!!! He's got his unce Sam's good looks... er... uhuh!
Regular little artist.

Got your invitation. I thought it was from the Queen at first.
My reply will be in the post in the next few days... but I'll give you a clue. Yes.

Hope everything's going well. I'm looking forward to coming down for the big day. The rest of the family up here are all making plans for the day, too. Have you got all your something borrowed, something blue-stuff?

Dropping you a line in the post.
Take care you, Jonnie and Seth
Uncle Sam
X

Seths New Art Kit

hey everyone...how are you all? did you all get your invitations??!?! i got seth an art kit today.... :S hes loving it...on the other hand i am not. ive got some photos of him to put on here since i didnt give recent ones last time...hes a right cutie if i do say so myself. who needs a place to stay in september? because my house is going to be free to use. johnny is staying at our next door neighbours for the night. so what you all been up to i dont really know what to write. so heres the photos.... jess xxx